June is here, but so is winter. Melbourne has turned from warm and sunny to cold and grey. I’m staying in Thornbury with my friend- a period of family life which has been easier than I thought to adapt to. They have been very welcoming and relaxed, so I’ve not had to worry too much about feeling detached. If I can feel comfortable in a situation then I can just be detached with a fair amount of acceptance. So in that sense, it’s good to have some time in a stable environment, with daily doses of sociability with familiar people. Plus it’s quite fun to observe a functioning unit of adults, kids and pets, and feel involved a bit too. I’ve had a few errands to do, but mostly I’ve been free to come and go. There are a couple of tram lines that run south towards the centre so getting around has been simple. I was quite upbeat when I arrived, pleased to see my friend and a new city. It’s nice to be in a quiet area- I can stroll around and take photos and not feel too stressed. I’ve found a great yoga place, so I have tried to fit that into the (empty) timetable, so I am glad I have been able to keep that going with some regularity since India. 

Looking back on my time here, I should be feeling more positive. I’ve made a fair effort to walk around and soak up the suburban novelty and graffitied streets. I’ve rooted out various little galleries and been talking to some people there, which on occasion has been quite enjoyable. Also at the yoga place, I’ve been chatting to a couple of the teachers who I really like- challenging, but at least the incentive has been there to make the effort. I’ve been to lots of nice cafes- pretty unavoidable given the frequent need to duck out of the cold and rain. I’ve been to a few life drawing classes at one gallery: again, a really positive experience. We’ve had to do some light mingling in the breaks as we peruse each other’s work. I tend to feel more spaced out in these situations: people at close quarters under gallery lights, after the concentration of the drawing (with glasses on- which makes it worse). Still, I’ve have had some fairly nice interactions. Under normal circumstances, these activities would be a great way to make friends and get involved in the life of the city.

I’ve seen some good films- part of a German film festival… got one more left on my 5 ticket pass. So I’ve had places to go, given myself things to do. The only thing I’ve not really been doing is getting involved in the social life of the city- bars etc. I’ve been out a bit with my friend, making the effort to engage in as normal a way as possible, but generally I hate the sensation of being in noisy, busy places and find it quite hard to communicate in those environments. Sometimes the desire to act as normally as possible overrides the sense of unease, but only if I’m feeling comfortable. This is to a large extent a chilled and liveable city with lots of things to get involved with, without any language barrier. In a couple of weeks, I’ve managed to get a good feel for the city, but without the sense that I’m really living a life here, getting involved, having meaningful experiences. That’s no different to anywhere else, but perhaps here I can envisage a kind of life that would work very well for me, if I didn’t have this layer of separation between me and the outside world. Even with the feeling of detachment, it would still be a good place to exist. I’m not really having Fun here, but I also appreciate that it’s not likely to be much better anywhere else. Like anywhere, over time there would be scope to meet people. I’ve met up with a couple of people I know in the city, which has been a good way to break up the walks, but generally I’m not that keen to be sociable, given the effort required to feign upbeat engagement. 

I used to enjoy travelling because I always knew there was the potential to meet people and have some good experiences- a fairly typical motivation. There’s now the question of where the satisfaction comes from. I can’t rely on any spontaneous happenings carrying me through a destination. Travel now isn’t really motivated by a sense of excitement, but how best to pass the time in a moderately pleasant way. I should definitely be watching more T.V. This is what it’s there for: when the outside world can’t provide enough stimulation. So at least this is an original way of seeing the world. It would’ve been great to be here with that capacity for greater fulfilment, but as a place to walk around and observe for a few weeks it is pretty rewarding, and without the noise and intensity of other cities I’ve visited in recent months. There is something quite self-indulgent about being in a place for no reason with nothing to do. I could be on a beach, probably spending much less in the process. But would that be enjoyable? I’m not in a holiday place; I’ve dropped into a regular city going about its business. I just let the streets wash over me, and try to take note of what’s happening around me: families riding bikes to school, walking their dogs, chatting on the tram. Prosaic motions of a progressive city. It’s nice to wander around a city with a calmer pace for a change. Plus I don’t need to be rushing around ticking off the sights in a few days. 

I have booked my tickets back to UK, so I know for sure that I have one more week here. Today it was sunny for a change and I walked west, along the Merri creek for a short stretch (worth exploring more) towards Coburg and then south to Brunswick. Good to take some pics in the sun and see some new areas. Had falafel for lunch in an Afghan restaurant. I’m not quite used to (although I should be by now) having such a mild engagement with a place, but I think in my own vague way I am finding the experience stimulating. I plan to explore more this week and get a better sense of the city as a whole, and hopefully enjoy the process.